GodStop.

Today, I finally stopped. And I think God was waiting all this while for me to stop, but you know Him, He's a gentleman. He waited about three weeks for me to stop and the moment I did, He rushed out to meet me. Kinda like when the prodigal son returned and his father ran out to meet him. It was glorious, serene, overwhelming, humbling and uplifting all at the same time. My God knows exactly what I needed and He met me. All I needed to do was stop.


Ever since I arrived my days have been long, fun, hectic, packed with activities. Even on Sundays, yes there were no English services though I must have asked a dozen people, but I realized that even if there had been, my Sundays were spent traveling on trains. Probably that's why I felt like the prodigal son, I've not been at a worship service in what feels like an eternity. Especially since in Singapore church was not a Sunday morning slot, it was my Fridays to Sundays and it spilled into my weekdays, and I loved it.

But here, I've learned that being involved at church was not a want, it to me now feels like a need. It taught me how to depend on God and be constantly thankful, constantly praising. I've just had so much going on that I didn't notice that all-too-familiar God-shaped hole forming in me. And tonight at about 11pm, in the quiet and stillness of my empty house I was prompted to worship...truly worship not just read the devotion like I usually do, but to sing and reflect as well.

It's strange because tonight is the only night I've decided to stay in for the evening so far. I've been coming home past midnight a lot and because I start my day early I am just too tired to really take time to be with God. And the only reason I stayed in is because I am the only one among my roomies who doesn't have a bike and I didn't want to walk alone to the party. And I had actually spent the whole day looking for a bike and was quite bummed out that everyone managed to find one except me.

But now, I'm glad I had a quiet night in with three friends and a simple dinner. And once everyone had left I obeyed the prompting and listened to 'Indescribable' by Chris Tomlin. I was immediately reminded of my initial reaction when I arrived in Lulea, one of wide-eyed wonder at how beautifully God had crafted this place with its lakes and forests and wild flowers. And as I began to pray I was reminded that I worship God because I was meant to do it, when I don't, that is when that feeling of lack that is so easy to ignore and so hard to put your finger on surfaces. The need to worship is extremely real, it is a balm to the soul and I think the song 'From The Inside Out' by Hillsongs puts it well - "My soul cries out to worship you from the inside out". It couldn't be truer, I needed to say "Lord you are awesome and I praise you", I needed to sing "And I found myself in You, Lord". I'm going to just worship like this on my own until the English service at the end of September.



I'm so glad I skipped the party and just stopped tonight. The others may have gained a reputation for being cool (but yeah, who said partying is the coolest thing to do), but I met God. And though He didn't say very much, He spoke into me and reminded me of the reason He created me- to worship Him. Not because He needs to be worshiped but because when we don't, we will eventually realise an emptiness that nothing else can fill...we're just wonderfully wired to need constant interaction with our creator. How awesome is that?