Homecoming

Spending the last two days in Europe in Stockholm made the entire 5 plus months come full circle. It was just how I started my journey except that it was summer and in a different hostel then. The first day was quiet - I was exhausted after all the traveling, so I only went to the supermarket to get treats for the people back home and some dinner, then I spent all day in bed. However, I found out -thanks to Bryan - that Kata was going to be in Stockholm at about 8 to catch her train to Lulea after having gone back home to Hungary for the holiday season. Well long story short, she didn't make it in time for the train and the next connection left close to midnight, so we had many hours of catching up and hugging. It was perfect and I was thrilled to get to see her again :D

The next day I met Mel and James who were coming in from Stockholm and then went over to Emmy's for ficka before bringing all the bags I had left in her place back to my hostel. Then after some shopping (crazy end of season sales were everywhere) I headed back to pack and hit the sack.

Leaving the next morning was really uneventful. Have breakfast, say goodbye to staff and board the express train to the Airport. This time leaving was not as emotional...I guess its because I felt like I had no ties to Stockholm per se. But I love Sweden, it had been awesome to me. I spent thr plane ride befriending the lady next to me - and Iranian who has been living in Sweden for 26 years - and imagining what seeing my loved ones at the airort would be like. I couldn't sleep at all on the 10 hour flight from Stockholm to Bangkok, however the 2nd leg from Bangkok to Singapore was when I was terrbily sleepy cos it wad finally nightfall in Sweden.

But of course, I could not really catch my forty-winks. But all my tiredness melted away when I saw the beaming faces of Shaun, Rett, Arman, Sharm and Ipul waving hi to me when I was picking up my bags at belt 19. Oh it was so good to see them! Many hugs and loving words were exchanged. I missed them all so much. After lunch I headed home with Ipul and Shaun. Mum was waiting at home and I was so happy to see her...We hugged so much.

I spent a long time just sorting out gifts (Mum loved all of hers thankfully) and putting books and clothes away. Then my Cuz Lin comes over with my adorable new neice and shortly after my dad walks in from work. It was so nice to be all together just talking and sharing. Then I decided to go see my grandma and aunt who were delighted to see me :) I helped to take down their Christmas tree and was off to deliver gifts to Shaun's family before the both of us headed out for a little stroll :)

I think my first day home was perfect. Though I must say, the only downside was the realisation of my immense weight gain and the fact that I have to start dieting pronto :( Europe's cheeses, chocolates and breads did me no good at all!

The nervewrecking trip back to Stockholm

God always always comes through for me, even in the most desperate of situations. Like yesterday night when I got to Copenhagen at 6pm, I found out my 9pm train to Stockholm got canceled and there is only a 4:03am one. It was freezing outside - since I was already in Scandinavia - and the train station closes at 1am. Which means Gabriel and I would be stuck out in the cold for 3 hours. Plus I had already booked a hostel in Stockholm for the night which meant loosing $23 euros in addition to loosing my toes. I wrote an email to the hostel in Stockholm explaining the situation hoping they will not bill me for the first night in case they were the compassionate kind :s

So began the mad search online at a 2euro per hour internet kiosk for a hostel at walking distance as we would have to walk back to the station at 3:45am. Everything we found was booked and overpriced. And everything that was affordable and nearby was fully booked. So I prayed. And we found another website with the same hostel listings and guess what, the cheap and 3-min-away hostel we wanted, had room! More than enough room! In just 2 mins....however that happened I do not know, but I am sincerely thankful.

We we walked over, slept for a good few hours and caught our 4:03 am train. Im now in Stockholm in my lovely hostel called city lodge. Can guess what, they are the compassionate kind. They said that even though it is their practice to do so, they didn't bill me for the first night. God is so good :)

I have two full days of rest, last min gift buying and packing then its full speed ahead to sunny skies and warm weather!

Hejdå luleå - för nu

Its 4am and I can fall asleep, as usual. But this time its different. It's the last time I'll ever be sleepless in my room, the last time I'll turn down this heater, the last time I'll turn off the light and crawl into bed to lie in wait for the ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz monster.

Everyone's getting a bit emotional and hugs, kisses, tender words are flying in all directions. I see my stuff all packed away and I shudder at the thought of never finding the opportunity to return again. Lueå and most importantly the friends I've made here have occupied a corner of my heart and nothing will ever replace them.
I think it would be easier if I was going straight home, but instead I'll be traveling, so the whole uncertainty of journeying through Europe without anything permanent is albeit unappealing at the mo. But I have so much to look forward too, and I know I will have an awesome time. Just need to work through the negativity.

So I take the 8pm train to Stockholm on the 16th.
Arrive in stockholm at about 9am on the 17th and spend the day with a friend.
Hop on a plane to London at 6:30pm, and arrive at 7.40pm on the 17th.
I'll be staying with my secondary school friend who lives in London with her family till the 21st.
Then I hop on another plane at 1:30pm and fly to meet Song and Dale in Brussles at 4pm.
From there we head to Amsterdam by train to meet the guys from Brazil and stay there till the morning of the 24th.
Then we make our way to Paris, stay there for Christmas and make my way down to the south of France by th 27th to meet Vishnu. Here, Song and Dale will leave and go their own way.

And that's all she wrote (for now).

Coming full circle

Last night was the farewell dinner. Can you believe it? I felt like I just had the welcome dinner a a month ago, but 4 and a half months have whizzed by....

Something exciting that I've had to keep secret since 3 weeks ago is that I and my good friend Victor have been asked to be the Toastmasters for the dinner =D It was a little nerve-wrecking, but we did well I think. Well at least everyone was really really encouraging and sweet. My close friends here were especially surprised and they were like "no wonder you were always running away to do some project even though you already finished all your work!". It was hardest to keep it from them becuase I couldn't talk to anyone if I was feeling scared about it. But Victor and I were a good team. He's a wonderful brother in Christ too, so we also prayed before going up onto stage.

The farewell dinner was great. There was a real 'party atmosphere' and I had so much fun, which made it bittersweet. After the farewell dinner, we remained behind the school nightclub - STUK and partied it up till 3 in the morning. There was an awesome live band that did covers of bands I love like ' The Kooks', 'The Sounds', 'The Killers' etc. And the DJs were awesome too, great stream of music, can you believed they played 'London Calling' by The Clash! I really wanted Rett to be there at that moment.

There were also some encounters with assorted European boys which made the night even more um....interesting. And then I found out someone had been in love with me the entire exchange period but had been too 'big-boy, macho-man' (according to his best friend who spoke to me) to tell me. I felt really bad that I had to find this out 3 days before I leave :( And he's hot too ;) But yes ok, that's besides the point :p

At 3 we all gathered at Vishnu's place with the Brazlian guys (Marco, Retti, Lauro), Juan, Marcel, Bryan (who lives at Vishnu's place), Katalin and a few Swedish friends. We danced, talked and giggled the night away. But I couldn't shake the depressing feelings I'm carrying around as a result of my impending departure. At least I'll be meeting the Brazilian guys again in Amsterdam...

At 10am after throwing my laundry into the dryer I went to bed...got up at 4pm, wrote this post and now I will begin to pack up my room and live out of a suitcase. Wow. I never thought leaving here would be harder than leaving home. I'm right where I started but I'm different all the same.

Pick A Date, Any Date

So my time in Lulea is drawing to a close.
It seems too fast, I have less than a month.
I have told the landlord I'll be leaving on the 16th of December.
I still have till early Jan in Europe, but Lulea has been home all this while and I feel like moving away means uprooting myself from 'this' normal.
But maybe I'm just being overly dramatic...Seriously, what roots right?
And I do miss everyone back home so much. I have a new niece to meet too!
It's always the people isn't it? I think knowing that out of all the new friends I've made, only 9 will be back with me in Singapore is the saddest bit.
See you soon, in our sunny island set in the sea, my loves.

Posters

I've never been one for posters, I have zilch in my room back in Singapore. I love hangings and things in a frame but not sticking posters directly on my walls. Anyway in my apartment are some fun posters that the 3 girls shared and bought. I have no share in them cos I didn't really see the need for them and didn't wanna pay for 'em. They were cool with me sitting out on this...I think...Hahahah! Anyway they are quite funny and I thought I'd share them with you guys. Very typical university life posters... click on the images and zoom in to read the small print!
Ok the next one is very um...graphic? I dunno, its the one that is taken down whenever anyone's family members come over for a visit :p There's a running joke about how when boyfriends [potential or existing] come over, it would be a good *ahem* guide, so it is completely understandable if you see someone dashing out of a bedroom to take a look before dashing back in and locking the door -_- [I don't suggest zooming into this one, in case you were wondering.]

Special Delivery!

Yesterday I received a call from the post office telling me to try and be home between 12-2pm as I have a parcel that would be delivered to me around that time. I knew at once it was what Shaun sent me 2 weeks ago and boy was I excited! So I set my alarm for 11:55am and waited and waited until it finally arrived at a quarter to 2pm. It was much bigger than I had expected...Wheeeee!

I had to rush of to meet the guys and go to storeheden for a day of shopping, so I didn't get to open my package. When I finally got home at 8pm, I was famished. So I made myself a simple dinner of pan roasted vegetables accompanied by Knäckebröd (hard, crisp, bread) and a dessert of berry yogurt with orange bits topped of with almonds. And the package just waited patiently on the couch for me, looking very beautiful and inviting - with its stamps amounting to SGD$90 :s
Finally I was ready and had all the time I needed to open my package. I sized it up and delicately unstuck the tape all around by hand. I didn't want to ruin the box =) When I finally got it open I felt like a little kid who just chanced upon some stash of treasure...you know how the yellow of the gold would reflect onto the face of the kid making him glow as he smiled widely? Well that was me.
My wonderful sweetie didn't even ask me what I wanted and still he got it all right. Japanese curry - 2 packs mind you. Sayur Lodeh mix, herbal soup mix, chicken rice mix and my all time favourite spicy, sticky, crunchy tapioca chips!!!! I guess 8 years is not enough to know everything there is to know about someone, but it is enough to develop a small area of expertise, such as 'Shila's eating habits' in Shaun's case :pThe main event was a T-shirt I got him some time back, complete with his scent (I got him to sit around in it for a couple of hours before sending it over) and an envelop with writing on it that caught me by surprise. But it's the stuff inside that me feel all nostalgic and made me miss Shaun so much more.
The boy had written me notes on the receipts and napkins of restaurants we used to frequent. An especially bittersweet one was the Azabu Sabo one, where he kept looking at our usual orders in the menu and the booth seat we always take and started to feel really sad I wasn't there =( My own little lovelorn romantic. You're the best babe,thank you so much! I can't tell you just how much I appreciate this :)
The only problem is how I'm gonna finish all the food before I leave and, I'm desperately trying to loose the 5kg I put on here...now it is going to be even more impossible :/

Leaving, Learning, Living.

The journey began with a song.
"I'm Yours" was playing at an overpriced cafe at Stockholm Arlanda Airport and I was gonna walk right past and grab a cheaper bite, but my legs decided to lead the way into Cafe Ritaza and my ears seconded the idea.
In Latvia, after a night in the transit lounge, I heard the song again as I had my potato pancakes for Breakfast.
In Lisbon, an aunty who I was struggling to communicate with in my non-existent Portuguese [as she did not speak English] started to sing along to the song as it came on the radio while I was leaving her shop....I did buy those ceramic plates, so I guess she was celebrating with song.
And time after time this song was just hanging in the air around me.

I had such significance for my solo journey, especially the lines below...
"I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some"
I really learnt so much about myself, the cultures of these new lands, the languages and about people.
"Well open up your mind and see like me, open up your plans and then you're free"
I tried very hard to not constantly compare these places to other places I've lived in or been in, I wanted to see them as they were...holding thier own. And yes, I opened up my plans for this trip and while on the trip I allowed myself to add to or subtract from my plans.
"But I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait. I'm yours"
Oh the day my journey began, I was so scared and hesitant but Spain and Portugal were calling and no, I could not wait any longer now, could I? I just threw myself headlong into the plan...and for those 10 days, I belonged to the journey.

"So please don't, please don't, please don't, there's no need to complicate. Cos our time is short, and this is, this is, this is our fate."
Leave, Learn and Live. That's all I did, really.
I cannot leave God out of this post. It was so incredible how he watched me every itty bitty step of the way. I made sure I let Him know just how scared I was. My prayer before walking out of my home was more of a statement then a prayer - "Lord you are God of Singapore, Sweden, Spain, Portugal...God of the entire world and universe. There's nowhere I could go that you are not present at. You will be there, I'm sure of it".

And every place I went, God had planted kind people -who spoke English, no less- to help me in so many ways. Directions, loading baggage, holding my backpack for me while I strap it on, delaying a bus by 1/2 an hour when I was 20mins late and thought I had missed it for sure, keeping me safe when I had to go from airport to hostel sometimes at midnight...the list goes on. And I made so many friends in the hostels so I was never lonely...except maybe when I had to while away hours in an airport. I really treasure these friendships and contacts I made from Tel Aviv to St Petersburg. From Romania and The Canary Islands to Chile and Argentina.

I think I've grown a lot in this short time of traveling alone...I can't quite describe it, but it feels like I've hit some new level of adulthood I never knew was there to reach in the first place. After each plane, train or bus and location or hostel, I would tick off what I have completed on my travel plan and I would put the E-ticket/booking confirmation at the back of the envelope I carried them around in and look with anticipation at the document in front which would tell me what to expect next. I kept every ticket, map, brochure, etc...those I feel, are the real souvenirs.

But as fun as it was, I did get a tad bit Lulea-sick and I was excited to come home. When I got off the plane in Stockholm, it still felt a little foreign, but when I walked across the tarmac in Lulea Kallax Airport, and felt the icy, zero degree air on my face I knew that this journey had come to a great close. This morning I woke up to snow -and a big load of laundry- it's good to be home.

Jag är tjugotvå år nu

The title means, I am 22 years old now, in Swedish. It's pronounced: Ya [I] are [am] shu-go-to-war [22] oar [year] nu [now] =D

I turned 22 in Santorini, Greece. I thought it would be really awesome...but I missed the guys back in Luleå so much more that day and then I started to miss everyone back home in Singapore too. It was kinda lonely though I was with two friends. I'm not used to birthdays like this...no hugs or cakes or songs...

I think the saving grace was when I got a flood of sms-es on the monring of the 10th from so many different people. I was literally lifted up, it was an amazing feeling to feel so loved... And coming home to check my Facebook wall to see all the lovely messsages...I'm so blessed. Plus there was Vishnu who was so sweet and gave me a note before I left, to open on my birthday because he could not come with us. Big brother I never had eh?

Anyway, I can't help feeling so old. I mean 21 was great. I wish I could be 21 forever. Now everything will go downhill till I'm 40. Hahaha =>
But I'm thankful for the 22 years God has blessed me with and all the people and experiences he has filled them with. I honestly, would only want to change one thing...something that happened when I was about 7 or 8 years old. But apart from that, everything was been worth doing or learning from.

Thank you mummy and naina for bearing with me for 22 whole years and giving me the absolute best you had to give me! I appreciate you both so much =) Wish I could have been home with you to celebrate.

Down Time

Things have been really slow here since my lecturer is teaching in another campus and he is unable to deliver lessons regularly. So I just spend most of my time reading novels and trying to practice my Swedish. I guess a lot of my time has also been dedicated to trip planning and cycling around all day until my legs feel like jelly.

I also spend my time calling up aunties, uncles, friends, my grandma, parents, cousins and shaun on Skype to chat for much longer than a phone would allow me too. So it's been good.

I realise I've completely become a ketchup convert and I'm happy eating bread and cheese or crackers and cheese for every meal. But then again I've always loved bread and cheese. Gouda, is the cheese of the moment...I eat it for every meal :D My room mates are questioning my Asian-ness. My Indian-ness was being question until I made a pot of tomato rassam...so I think I should cook rice more or something :s

Inspired by a Chinese neighbour's fried fish, I decided to bake my fish with ginger, sesame oil and soy sauce and vegetables to have with my rice. It was delicious and easy, better still, hardly any clean up at all. My style of cooking indeed.

Last night I made tang yuan (or soh yee as my grandma calls it). It was great to have that familiar taste of sugary, gingery soup coupled with the chewy balls that are just plain fun to chow down. This time they were plain, but I'm hoping to find peanuts and sesame seeds so I can make one with filling. Any suggestions or ideas for alternative fillings? Peanut butter perhaps? Let me know!

I've been feeling a little affected by the fact that I'm not around for the things happening back home, some big things likr the birth of a new niece in December, other smaller things like not being there to pick Shaun up after a long day at work, not being there for Arman's ORD, Shaiful and Jia Le's birthdays, not being there when Rett had to send off Toby....And not being around for all the things happening in church...I must admit when those feeling hit me I just don't go out and mope around in my room. But my friends here always manage to make me feel better somehow and they are experts at coaxing me out of a slump.

"If it's a broken part, replace it.
If it's a broken arm then brace it.
If it's a broken heart then face it.

And hold your own
know your name
and go your own way."

Song of the moment : Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz

Cultural exchnage at its best

Tonight I was kissed by a French guy.
And even though I didn't give in to his repeated requests for a French kiss, technically I was...French Kissed.

Free Wheeling

It's true what they say about never forgetting how to ride a bike, but what I think I had really forgotten was how it feels to be riding a bike. Shaun loves cycling and he always tells me that there's nothing quite as freeing as riding a bike and how it brings him joy in the simplest, purest most unadulterated form.
Today after school I headed over to Vishnu and Bryan's place and watched the first episode of Power Rangers on Bryan's laptop! I know, how very retro right? It was so funny and after the episode Vishnu and I were reeling from how as kids we never noticed how badly made the show was.
Then I decided that the weather was too perfect to be wasted on a day nua-ing indoors, so I got changed, packed a small bag of snacks , a good classic (Things fall apart by Achebe) and of course Gordon my camera. I loaded everything onto Logan's little white side basket from the red cross, and set out for the lake on my own.The only thing missing was my ipod. But it was a great '6km x 2 'cycle nonetheless. I'm not a proficient bike rider, and cycling everywhere here is something I have to get used to...when sometimes I feel like I rather walk. Perhaps, I am getting better since I've not fallen and rolled off into some ditch. The best part about being on a bike is being pushed along by the wind, flying downhill past the woods and getting to where ever you want to go three times as quickly.
When I got to the lake, I found a nice shady spot under a tree and read my book while munching on ultra yummy Ballerina biscuits. The constantly changing lighting also made it great for some scenic shots - check em'out in full on Facebook :)

It was refreshing to be on my own in unfamiliar territory. I tend to like wandering off my own back home and having some time to myself to read and reflect was valuable time. I really felt recharged by the end of it. Perhaps I'll get a bike when I get back home so I can have even more romantic solo adventures.
There was more cycling at night too! After dinner and watching some telly....at about midnight we decided t cycle 15 mins down to this place that was 'oppet 24.00'. When We got there it was closed! I guess it meant 'opened till 12am'! Well, given that is is Lulea, I'm not surprised. So after a short while of being grumpy about not getting fries and laughing at ourselves, Dale, Vishnu, Bryan and I decided to just head to a petrol station for a bite. We had to cycle back in a heavy drizzle, but thanfully it was not a cold or windy night, so we survived!

On Culture

Being here in Europe and traveling with Mel has been an eye-opener in many ways. People always wonder how this girl from India and that girl from China came to be such good friends and converse so fluently in English with one another. I like it when they ask, so that I can clarify that we are both from Singapore, that we were both born there, our families have lived there for generations and that the country is made up of 4 main ethnic groups so we need English as a common language. Because whenever we tell them "Oh I'm from Singapore", they go "oh but you look like you're from India" or "China"...which i guess is technically correct.

Anyway the above paragraph is just a 'by the way' kinda thing. What I really wanted to muse about was my culture and identity. What got me thinking about this was an Indian guy at the Copenhagen train station who stopped to talk to me becuase he thought he had found a kindred Tamil spirit . He had moved there with his parents 20 years ago to escape the civil war in Sri Lanka.

So he was talking about Indian culture and language and how the modern Indian girls in Denmark speak Tamil very well and know traditional Indian dance. And when I admitted that I could barely speak Tamil and and hardly in touch with Indian culture, he began to lecture me about the importance of preserving my culture. I patiently listened and nodded for the entire length of his 'talk'. Then I realised that what he was saying made perfect sense for someone living in a country where his/her ethnic group is still seen as a migrant community and not an official people group. But in Singapore-and please, feel free to disagree with me on this but this is my sincere opinion- I don't need to preserve Indian culture.

I pride myself on being Singaporean first, then Indian. So the culture that I hold dearest to me is the Singaporean culture. Singlish, Chilli Crab with fried mantou, Bengs&Minahs, struggling with your mother tongue at the O levels, national day songs, supper clubs...these are the things of MY culture. And if I ever were to migrate, it would be this Singaporean-ness that I'll take with me. Of course being Indian will colour who I am to a certain degree but it does not get much more than that.

Let the mainland Indians carry on thier cultures where ever they are because it is their culture. If they don't preserve it, who will? Likewise, as a Singaporean I should preserve Singaporean culture. Why should I preserve a culture I don't even fully grasp just because that is my ethnic group? It's not that I'm not proud of my Indian-ness, I don't have any problems with it, it's just that the Indian culture is not something I am acquainted enough with to want to fiercely preserve. I'm more concerned that collective Singaporean culture doesn't die out some day.

But that's just me, the stubborn and opinionated one....Always having to be against the grain.

Why Sweden?

Every time someone finds out I'm going to Sweden for my student exchange, the initial reaction is "Wow! So cool!". Then two seconds pass, along with the excitement - that has proven itself to be not so overwhelming after all - and they cock their head to the side with slight degree of leeriness and ask, "But why?".

My answer is pretty much the same every time. I want to go somewhere I have never been before, somewhere so different that I've never even experienced anything remotely like it and nowhere touristy. Some place that is opposite to Singapore in every way imaginable - that means long winters, day light savings, medieval towns, random polar bear sightings, not needing sunscreen.

I've traveled quite a bit in my short life but I've never been to Europe, let alone Scandinavia - the birthplace of Anglo-Saxon literature. I'm excited about seeing the midnight sun, northern lights and perhaps going up to the arctic.

Besides, if I had ended up somewhere closer to home or cheaper to get to, I think I might chicken out, return half-way, annoy NTU and differ a semester at the first inkling of home-sickness. So when I'm 9,524 miles away from home, there really is no turning back.